Asking Eric: Elderly sibling wants out of family drama

Published On: July 22, 2025

Dear Eric:

My sister stopped speaking to me because I didn’t attend the wedding of her daughter, my niece.

Every year I purchase very expensive seats for my husband and I to attend a two-day concert, for Father’s Day. The wedding was planned on one of these days. We chose to continue our tradition. When my sister found out, she called me screaming and brought up things she’d been holding on to for years. As always, most of this was fabricated and not true.

There are many issues in my family. I have been on a healing journey from cancer, other health and ancestral trauma and so on.

She is 70 and I’m 75 years old. I want to live in peace and love for the rest of the life I have left. I feel free from family drama. My small immediate family is a blessing. My health, family and loving friends come first.

My niece and I have a good relationship. We had dinner before the wedding, and I met her husband. I am not worried about that.

Although I think of my sister often, I reflect on the family drama, and feel relieved that I am not in it anymore. We are senior citizens and should be enjoying our life. What do you think?

– Want Peace and Love

Dear Peace and Love:

Honestly, your letter had me in the first half. I thought, “You can’t skip the concert for one year?” But this isn’t really about the wedding. Your niece seems to be fine with it, from your telling. So, even if your sister had bruised feelings about your choice, it isn’t really her fight.

What appears to be happening here is that this event is just another inflection point in an on-going conflict. Sometimes we’re in conflict with people, but sometimes they just have conflicts with us. That’s the issue here. If she’s bringing up issues she’s had with you for years, then the wedding was just an excuse. If part of your healing journey has been setting a healthy boundary, then you should keep that boundary and not engage in further back and forth with your sister. You wrote that you want peace. Peace can always be a shared goal, but if she’s not willing or interested in working toward it with you, you can step back with love.